Journal of Chaos

Although I do not necessarily advocate anarchy; I would prefer it over this Orwellian Utopia that I find myself in.

2012-01-30T17:08:00.000-06:00

So what does money look like?

2012-01-27T14:09:00.005-06:00

Some will tell you it looks like this…

Others will tell you that it looks like this…

But true wealth, looks like this…

In the Golden Age of Sail

2012-01-26T21:27:00.005-06:00

As European kings were exploring and expanding their empires or’ the face of this Earth, they employed a tactic of warfare most deceptive; the dreaded False Flag. A tactic used with the intended consequence of provoking a war between two rival nations. However, the most insane and malevolent of kings, would often times use this tactic on his own ships; as means of justifying a war against a people with whom a war otherwise, would be unjustified.

If I could draw a political cartoon…

2012-01-24T19:31:00.001-06:00

I would draw a globe suspended above a gigantic fan. And on one side of the globe there would be a bunch of people getting ready to throw a huge steaming pile of shit over the edge. And on the other side of the globe, a bunch of people with their heads buried in the sand.

Love, Peace and Unity

2012-01-23T16:13:00.004-06:00

عشق صلح و وحدت

愛和平團結

السلام المحبة والوحدة

שלום אהבה ואחדות

शांति प्यार और एकता

Мир любви и единства

평화 사랑과 화합

Frieden Liebe und Einheit

รักความสงบและความสามัคคี

amour de paix et d'unité

amantes de la paz y la unidad

upendo amani na umoja

älskar fred och enhet

...For without these things We are doomed

How do I know?

2012-01-22T22:26:00.001-06:00

Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind.

And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.

How do I know? For this is what I have done.

And I am Caesar.

Bah...Baaaaaaaaah...

2012-01-21T16:32:00.005-06:00

Hmm...

2012-01-20T19:34:00.000-06:00

The best thing about propaganda is, it can be employed by both sides…

2012-01-19T11:05:00.000-06:00

In the mind-fuck that is our mainstream media, it is just way too easy to lose sight of reality. And in fact, the fictitious narrative becomes more of a comfort than anything else. Because if you really knew the reality of many things, then you would weep; more than that, you would actually vomit in disgust.
I must confess that I was once impassioned by the things I saw and the words I heard. My hands too have banged on the war drum. But that passion is now gone; and like a sham marriage, my heart has been crushed by the realization of your lies. Crushed because; I have wasted my youth taking part in your twisted fantasy’s, wasted my honor regurgitating your evil lies and I have wasted my potential believing in a world that does not really exist.
Well, I will be your fool no more!
Try a thousand different times in a thousand different ways and you will still never convince me that IRAN is my enemy. Not its people nor its government will ever hear me bang on the drums of war. But I will wage peace with every fiber of my being; even if that means standing in front of tanks and looking down the barrels of guns. But until that day comes, I will do all that I can to erase your fictitious reality from the hearts and minds of men.

The biding of the many, NOT the few

2012-01-17T20:02:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah; and maybe we should legalize milk too.

2012-01-16T08:42:00.001-06:00

......................Legalize It.......................

2012-01-15T16:21:00.004-06:00

For all you racist out there!

2012-01-14T14:57:00.001-06:00

How ‘bout that? The people of Afghanistan, Pakistan & Iran aren’t just a bunch of brown eyed, brown skinned “Dune Coons”

I'd start a Revolution

2012-01-13T20:38:00.002-06:00

I Got up this Morning. And I'll get up Tomorrow morning too!

Anger is a gift

2012-01-12T23:43:00.001-06:00

My sensei used to tell me that anger was a gift. And truly it is. Because anger provokes us to action in ways that nothing else does nor can.

Some nations sponsor terror: But here in America, we sponsor child molestation.

2012-01-11T20:13:00.001-06:00

Feel safer? I sure as Hell don't!

90°

2012-01-10T21:26:00.000-06:00

There is a beauty to right angles, in art and architecture. But not when they are drawn across a fluid landscape. Countless hills, forest and streams cut to pieces by a million straight lines. Lines that etch out mans dominance over his world, lines that prove his foolishness.

Burr… I am cold

2012-01-09T20:16:00.000-06:00

For when I pick up my pen, my brain begins to freeze.
The unintended consequence of anticipation and worry…
The truth is; I like to write, it’s liberating.
Yet at the same time it confines me in a prison.
A prison who’s lock and chains are my words,
the keys for which are now forever lost in your heart and your mind.

So; is it the small things that shape the big things or is it the big that shape the small?

2012-01-08T15:47:00.001-06:00

3,094

2012-01-07T15:21:00.003-06:00

That is Roughly the number of cubic miles of water that exist within our atmosphere at any given moment.

Kinda makes you wonder why they say that the wars of the future will be fought over water, doesn’t it?

RESET

2012-01-06T20:40:00.004-06:00

By far the best thing about growing up in the Nintendo Generation is; there’s always a RESET button.

…RESET…

Rhythm of the war drums

2011-12-29T20:51:00.004-06:00

I can hear the din of war drums,
And they are loud.
Loud and frightening.
But as scared as I am of them,
It is the sound of ignorance that frightens me even more.
Frightens me more because ignorance is suicidal
having neither the desire or ability to exist for very long.
Tis the condition of a population that has no knowledge of the truth.
The only cure being, the realization of that truth.
And my countrymen are both ignorant and arrogant.
Living their lives in oblivion to certain realities.
An entire nation lost in a quagmire of mis and dis information.
Hundreds of millions of people who have lost all ambition to reason.
Contenting themselves with falsehood and lies.
And though the sound of the war drums grows louder and louder
Still they carry on with their pitiful and pathetic lives of ignorance.
But soon that ignorance will self destruct,
And truth will disseminate its cure to my fellows.
No longer will war be a reel of propagandist highlights on the evening news,
Depicting the glory’s of war and the righteous reasons for it.
But rather, we will all be witness to it.
The bombs we see exploding on night vision cameras won’t be falling on Bagdad or Tripoli,
But on New York and L.A.
And the dismembered children we see won’t be somebody else’s from a land far away
But our own.
And we will find out first hand that there is nothing glorious about war,
And that the righteous reasons for it are nothing more than fables.
Yes, I can hear the sound of the war drums
And they are loud, loud and frightening.

Who needs action when you got words?

2011-12-03T21:45:00.002-06:00

All of us do...

The greatest speech ever made...

2011-12-02T03:16:00.002-06:00

Why?

2011-11-29T22:59:00.004-06:00

Do you ever ask yourself, Why?
I know I do.
I do it all of the time.
Some questions more complex than others.
But even then, the most complex of them could often times be reduced to one simple seven word question;
Why is the world so fucked up?
Or, for you self-righteous prudes out there who are offended by four-letter words;
Why isn’t this world a better place?
Because honestly it really bothers me,
this world being the way it is.
Bothers me so much in fact that there have been many times I have actually sat down and wept uncontrollably because of it.
Forced into these thankfully brief yet powerful moments of total empathy.
And, the only words I know that can convey the feeling I get, are words that come from holy scripture;
All of creation goaneth and travaileth in pain together…
And, what happens in those moments themselves is hard to describe.
But, it is like a flashflood of still shots that pass before my minds eye;
So fast and so furious that my conscious is not able to discern any one single image.
It is not as if I see one starving family in Somalia or one little girl sold into slavery, and then begin to weep.
But rather I see every hungry family and every little girl,
I see every evil and feel every pain that goes on in this world;
And that is when I begin to cry.
And though as brief as those moments are and as temporary as those tears may be,
Still they transport my heart and my soul deep into a swamp of sadness.
A swamp that often times fills me with the greatest sense of misery and despair.
And, the biggest question I have is not;
How did I get here?
But rather; Why is there a here to get to in the first place?

Do you ever ask yourself, Why?
I know I do.
I do it all of the time.
And the only answer is, Because I have not ever made here a better place to get to….

So if people were nomadic, would life feel like a permanent vacation?

2011-10-15T19:13:00.000-05:00

Roses without thorns

2011-10-07T18:24:00.000-05:00

If botanist have done one thing more evil than any other, than it is giving the world roses without thorns.

Interupted chain of though

2011-10-03T21:40:00.001-05:00

When a man sets out to transform this world, then he can not do so with short sightedness or a narrow scope of
what the effects of that transformation will be. But, he must see all of the connections and know how those connections will interact. Investing much thought and time designing even the most microcosmic of aspects. A design that not only provides the needs of the whole, but also the means for its betterment...

...And Japan fell into the sea.

2011-09-23T19:04:00.000-05:00

redundant redundancy

2011-09-11T10:32:00.000-05:00

I find it hard to believe that this country has now been at war for 10 years... Think about it there are now many children in this country who have no idea what it is like to be at peace. Hell! There are fewer children in other countries who have no idea what it is like not having war planes drop bombs on their cities. Ten years later and we have all become very numb to the fact that war is REAL!!!

A moon can rise too...

2011-08-25T01:29:00.001-05:00

Even a moon can fall...

2011-08-21T15:30:00.002-05:00

Vivid dreams have always frightened me, or on occasion, given me great pleasure. And the most vivid of those dreams have stuck with me, even dreams that are decades old come to my mind as easily as if I had them last night. And over the last few days the memory of one of those dreams has let me think of little else. So I will share with you the memory of that dream. Because if I don’t, I am sure that the thought of it will consume me until I do…
When I was five or six I dreamt: Me and my family were cruising down interstate 10 in the direction of Los Angles, and if I had to pinpoint our exact location then I would say we were somewhere just outside of Riverside, CA. At that point we hit what appeared to be a typical So Cal traffic jam. But, it soon became apparent that this traffic jam was anything but typical. In fact, other than a freeway turned parking lot, there were really no other similarities. People were getting out of their cars in a panic, running for the shelter of a nearby overpass. And I can remember being confused about that spectacle before me. Confused that is, until I looked out the window of my dads Lincoln town car. And then that confusion became wonder. Because I saw something that my young mind had never seen before, I saw the Moon falling from the daytime sky. It seemed as if it was close enough to touch; all of its geographical features were as plain and clear as if I was viewing them from some very powerful telescope. And that sight must have been hypnotic to me, because I don’t remember my dad picking me up nor do I remember what must have been a half mile run to the overpass, all I can remember is that Luna sky. The sight of concrete beams interrupted my fixated trance. A trance that once broken, I immediately desired to have back. Because huddled under that overpass with a thousand other people scared me more than that Moon falling from the sky…

Fallow

2011-08-19T00:44:00.004-05:00

fal·low1 / ˈfalō/ • adj. (of farmland) plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility as part of a crop rotation or to avoid surplus production: incentives for farmers to let the land lie fallow in order to reduce grain surpluses.
Definition by: The Oxford Pocket Dictionary

According to a recent study done by the journal, Environmental Science &Technology; nearly 25% of all our agricultural land lies fallow, which equates to an area of over 1,000,000,000 acres. And though much of that land lies fallow because of wise annual crop rotations; some, if not most of that land lies fallow at the request of central banks and world governments. Because, God forbid we end up having a “surplus production” and thus reduce the value of commodities such as wheat and corn. But, “surplus production” is kind of an oxymoronic term when we live in a world where over 50,000 people starve to death every day. And the sad truth is; those people don’t die because we can’t produce enough food to feed them, but rather they die because they can’t afford the food that is purposely maintained at a relatively high price. Shit! even if that one billion acres were cultivated with conventional agricultural practices it could still supply more than enough food for everyone on this Earth. And, when you consider polyculture, permaculture or aquaponics; one billion acres could supply many times more than what our current needs are. In fact there is this guy in Wisconsin who produces 1,000,000 lb. of food on three acres with only a makeshift aquaponic system. A system with which simple arithmetic tells you that 1,000,000,000 acres, utilized to its fullest potential, is capable of producing so many pounds of food that I don’t even know what the number is. But, it is six 3’s followed by nine 0’s, or 166,666,500,000 tons. Now the human mind can not fully grasp numbers that are in the multi-billions; but, that much food could feed almost 30 times more than the number of people that currently exist on this planet.

Prisms

2011-08-16T00:46:00.002-05:00

What is the future but the extension of the present; and, what is the present but the extension of the past?
I have always assumed that in order to change the future, one must have a keen understanding of not only the present but also of that which preceded. But assumptions be damned! Because the light of both the present and the past shine through prisms that are rarely seen and hardly perceived. And, to build a future in such a light warrants no serious effort. Because any future that can be manufactured in that light, will surly bare the same flaws that have consumed and do consume both our present and our past. But the future will come, just as it always has. And, just as it always has, it will be made in that light cast by prisms…

Copper, Zinc & Salt

2011-08-12T00:30:00.004-05:00

Spiral spins through earth and stone,
one metal but not alone.
For copper flirts with zinc and salt,
making something that is not.
What alone these three can’t do,
underneath our rubber shoe.
For in the earth does lightning fly,
much as it does up in the sky.
And as the thunder rages on,
glass and metal sing a song.
A song that is stored in between their plates,
for these three are good mates.
And though that thunder is weakly, faint;
great lightning it does make.
And that lightning could give to man,
all the great things that he has planed.
Great cities bright, from space could be seen;
the source of which are fields of green.
But men of black liquid do impede;
this, most righteous of deeds.
And, though through earth the lightning flies,
never will it touch the skies.
For gold and silver wins them all,
and so great men will fall.

What I want...

2011-08-09T17:49:00.005-05:00

I could easily define for you this upheaval of my soul, even if that upheaval does contain more facets than a masterfully cut gem. But, to define for you those facets of a more personal nature makes no sense to me. Because honestly, what would be the point? What difference does it make to you who I am in love with or what I want?

Part 5: Music

2011-08-03T23:25:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I am pissed! In fact I am more pissed than I have been in a very long time. And I have this question; why do we not have world peace? And by peace, I don’t just mean the absents of bloody conflict but rather, peace to the fullest extent of the word? I mean really; are we that sick, are we that loveless? Because personally I don’t believe that most of us are. I just believe that those who shape our destiny are…
Which leads me to another question; are we really so complacent that we will let the few dictate the fate of the many? Will we really let the bankers and the billionaires the businessmen and the bomb makers lead us into war after war and conflict after conflict? Will we let them take control of our water and our air, our lives and our homes? Because I for one sure as fuck hope not! But they have taken so much already. And though you may be unaware of this fact; you are a slave, nothing more than a brainwashed drone. And though there may be many things that we can find to divide ourselves from one another I will ask of you one thing that unites us, just one of the things out of many…
Well, I will tell you of one; the one that has provoked my anger and these words, and that one is music.
Music that pours into my bedroom and my soul via the internet, music from all over the world. Music from England and France, Bulgaria and China; and of all that music, it was that music from China that impacted me more profoundly than any of the others. Because like you, I am the product of propaganda. And from my childhood on, it has been instilled in me that China and so by association the Chinese people are the enemy. But here in my bedroom, 9000 miles from Beijing, I listen to the voice of song from an ocean away. And I am compelled to question those ideas that were instilled into a young and impressionable heart. Because even though I don’t know what those Chinese women are singing, I do know that what they are singing is beautiful: a universal expression of the human soul…

Tic Toc

2011-07-29T00:00:00.004-05:00

You search for something you've already found and you look for something you've already seen....

So what have you exchanged? And more important, is why?

2011-07-20T09:07:00.005-05:00

Part 4: Love

2011-06-23T13:13:00.001-05:00

If there was one thing in this world that I wished I knew more about, it would defiantly be love. Because honestly, I just really don’t get it. I mean, yeah sure; I’ve some idealistic notions as to what love is. But either those notions are totally false, or I just do one super shitty job of implementing them. Because even my closest friends will tell you that I’m an asshole, and they know better. So I can only imagine what those people think, who hardly know me at all. And I guess the idea that people perceive me in that way hurts me more then I ever really let on. But only because deep down, I know they are right. But, just because they are right about me being an asshole doesn’t necessarily mean that my notions of love are wrong, only atypical…
But, that in itself makes no sense to me. Because I have always thought of love, not as some wishy-washy concept that is relative to individual lovers. But rather a very ridged concept, defined by a laid down code of conduct.
And so, I wonder; what is it about love I do not see?
And how can love even truly exist, if ten thousand people would define it in ten thousand different ways?
Which leads me to this idea; love may indeed exist, but only in the abstract. Like the hallucinations of one who has just eaten a handful of “magic” mushrooms; a perceived reality that is both real and not real at the same time. And who am I to question the existence or nonexistence, the “right” or the “wrong” of what others perceive love to be? And who are they to question me? Because, if love is indeed an abstract idea, than everyone is just as right or just as wrong as everyone else. And, if that is true; then it really doesn’t matter what an individuals perception of love is. All that really matters, is if others perceive us as loving. Especially if we desire to share some mutual hallucination of love with another.

Part 3: Religion

2011-06-20T19:53:00.002-05:00

So, I’m not sure if I can make this analogy work; but I’m going to give it a try anyways…
It has been said; give a man a fish and you‘ll feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for a lifetime. And, as a fish feeds the body religion should feed the soul. But in my religious experience, my soul has known much starvation. For not only has the education of a lifetime of sustenance been absent; but many times, my daily need of sustenance has gone unfulfilled as well. And, in some rare cases, religion has even robbed me of what little sustenance I had to begin with.
And I can’t help but wonder what would be, if humanity attributed the same importance to spiritual sustenance as do to the physical. And really, I can’t understand why we don’t. Because, a heart that growls with hunger has effected me more deeply than any empty stomach ever has. And, that hungry heart is more detrimental to this world than any empty stomach will ever be. And I guess this brings to a point about religion, a point that was not made near enough, nor with the gravity it should of been in the Christianity that I grew up in. And that is; religion is about much more than our personal relationships with God. It is about how that relationship affects our relationships with others.
But, rather it be the fault of the religions themselves or just that of our own egos; the social impact of religion is not what it could be, nor is it what it should be.
And, though this may be a gross generalization; sadly, outside of those who share our own religious dogmas rarely is the love we are taught to show seen. And sadder still is; often times that love remains unseen by those who do. Which brings me to another point about religion; especially those religious dogmas that inspire the notion that self-gratification is of utmost importance. And the only thing I can think of that would be akin to it is sex, or closer yet, an orgasm. Like I can easily get myself off; but then I wonder, what the fuck was the point of that? Is not something so magical better shared with another? But then, perhaps that is why self-gratifying religiosity is far more popular than religiosity of a more communal nature. Because, what is so simple for one to accomplish alone, becomes far more complex and difficult for two. And who would willingly put themselves through more trouble than they really have to? I suppose there are some, but defiantly not those who know the difference between a self-inflicted orgasm and one that is achieved by other means. Especially when those other means result in an orgasm that is shared…
I’m not really sure how I went from teach a man to fish to orgasms, but before I start talking about group orgies’ I think I’ll just drop this topic of religion for now.

Part 2: God

2011-06-16T21:28:00.003-05:00

So this is my third draft, and hopefully my last… But I do this every time I set out to write about God. I write and I write, I read and I read; and then I take the pieces of paper off my clipboard one by one, crumple them up and throw them on the floor. Not because they were necessarily bad; but because, they are just always grossly inadequate. Kinda like describing a rainbow, but leaving all the colors out except for red. And for me, a description with so much omission is a shame. But I suppose that’s God’s thing; not unknowable at all, but just so wholly no human mind can fully comprehend it. And, I guess my question would be; what human mind would really want to?
Because, more important than those things we don’t know about God are those things we do know. And, those things we do know, are no where near as important as what we do with that knowledge. Because somewhere in that infinite rainbow, perhaps somewhere between yellow and green, God is a choice. Like the atom, a vast reservoir of untapped potential. And we get to manipulate and release that potential however we choose. We can release it in a positive way, or in a negative way; in a way that is beneficial to those around us, or in a way that can kill tens of thousands in a blinding flash.
Now, of all the colors that make up the rainbow that is God. And, of all the vast reservoirs of potential which we are free to manipulate. There is none of more importance nor of more consequence than that of love.

The Bullshit of it All. part one of a who knows how many part series

2011-06-15T15:55:00.006-05:00

So I am going to attempt to express to you the contention that exist within this being that is me. But, before I can do that, I feel as if I must first give you some insights into the cause of that contention. But in a way, I also feel that if I were to do so, then I would be like one of those irritating people who go around stating the blatantly obvious. For, I believe that the causation of all internal chaos is universal. Universal because, no matter what petty things we use to differentiate ourselves from one another; in all reality we are exactly the same. But, to justify my stating of the blatantly obvious, I will tell you the way I think of it. Like, obviously the sky is blue and everyone on Earth knows it. But, not everyone on Earth expresses it in that way. In fact most people express it like this: 天是藍的 and there are close to a billion others who express it like this:आकाश नीला है And let us not forget: caelum caeruleum for although there may be only a handful of people who express it in that way today, 2000 years ago it was how the most literate civilization on Earth expressed that most blatantly obvious of facts.
So, back to causation. I would express it like this; my being is a battlefield. And not necessarily the type of battlefield you would think of first, you know, an all out war between “good” and “evil” But rather, a battlefield more reminiscent to those of the Cold War. Two great powers that exist on the same planet, both of them deathly afraid of the other. And so, for the most part, they live in a relative state of peace. Reducing their tactics of war to mere rhetoric. But, on certain occasions, conflicts arise that bring these two powers to the brink of an all out war. And, indeed wars are waged. But, these wars are not total; for both sides understand the concept of mutually assured destruction. So, before it ever reaches that level of intensity; one side will always retreat from battle, yielding the field to the other. And, just like in the real Cold War; there is a third player. A player, not quite as powerful as the other two, but a formidable force none the less. And though this player is trusted by neither side, it is flirted with by both. For a force so powerful, is better not reckoned as an enemy.
So let me interpret for you this parable… The two powers that be, are the heart and the mind. The heart being that part of myself given to more intangible, spiritual things like: faith and hope and love. And, the mind being that part of myself given to that world I can see and touch. And thus, reach some conclusion of it based in logic and reason. But, that third player is not so easily defined. For it is often caught in limbo, sometimes siding with the heart and other times siding with the mind. But, most of the time, it pursues its own agenda and tells both the heart and the mind to fuck off.
So, to continue with the metaphor; I will publish the events of this war as it unfolds. And like a third world country, I will drag you along for the ride.

A Numbers Game

2011-06-12T16:22:00.002-05:00

So more often than not I am kinda poetic in my approach to certain ideas that I have. And among one of them is using the billions of acre feet of fresh water that are discharged annually by the worlds rivers to irrigate the desert regions of the world. And although poetry has its place in an idea it in itself can not convey an idea entirely, nor can it sway those of a more logical/practical mind. So let me share with you some numbers…
Assuming that Wikipedia can be trusted: the top ten largest rivers in the world by volume, discharge annually 1,058,514,293 acre feet of water (an acre foot being the amount of water necessary to cover one acre of land with one foot of water) to put that into perspective that much water would cover a land mass larger than the country of India with water one foot deep.
So then, let us assume that we could capture all that water before it was lost to the sea; via reservoirs, pumping stations and pipelines. Let us also assume that this water was used to irrigate a hardy, drought resistant desert tree like the olive. Now assuming the water requirements for an olive grove is 8 mega liters of water per hectare per year, then 1,058,514,293 acre feet divided by 8 mega liters/hectare/year would mean the potential irrigation of 162,848,352 hectares of olive trees (an area the size of Iran or the states of: Texas, California, Montana and Mississippi combined.) Now the average yield of olive oil per hectare is 3000 liters and if you multiply that by the potential amount of newly irrigated land then you would have an annual production of 488,545,056,000 liters of olive oil; which at a current market value of 4$/liter, would be worth nearly 2 trillion dollars. But, more important than just the economic benefits, would be the benefits on the local populations where said groves would be.
Now these numbers were derived from a monoculture system of agriculture, which personally I am opposed to. But, there was no way I was going to sit here and do all the math necessary to figure out a polyculture system which in all reality, could potentially produce more food and more money than an Alaskan sized olive grove.

The Things I Think...

2011-06-10T16:06:00.003-05:00

To write about how I feel is not my problem, for me that is simple. But, to write how I think is. Because, congruency of thought is alien to me. And if I were to write the thoughts of my mind as they came to me, then I would leave you all in a wake of chaos like none other you have ever known. And for me, as a writer, I feel as if that would defeat the purpose. For what writer leaves his readers in a state of confusion? I have always assumed that the goal of a writer is to leave his readers pondering or praising what he has written; not banging their heads against a wall. But a writer who writes while banging his own head against the wall, I fear can do nothing else.
You see, I find it very difficult to express the chaos of my mind. And so, for your sake, I have never really tried. But, to be true to my reality is necessary. And, if I keep writing for your sakes, then what I write will be of little or no relevance to me. So, if what I write leaves you with a headache, then I would recommend some aspirin and that you no longer read these things that I have written. For I think that I am done writing for you and to you. Because honestly, you have failed me and I have failed myself.

Past Conversation

2011-06-04T14:17:00.001-05:00

So I have these conversations with myself; not, the crazy schizophrenic kinds of conversation. But, conversations that should of taken place in my past. Like conversations with my parents & friends my family and girls. And when I have these conversations, I don’t have them thinking that; I should have said, that, in light of the man I am now. But rather, I should have said, that, because it is what I truly wanted to say in that moment…
A moment when a young heart would have spoken, had it the words to express itself as it was; a moment when an ignorant heart would of sang, had it the knowledge of music and song; a moment when a frightened heart would have yelled its convictions, had it not lacked the virtue of courage. Yes, thousands of moments and thousands of hearts that would not or could not say what it felt. And as I look into those moments of yesteryear, I fear that I am looking into a mirror that not only shows me that heart as it was, but as it still is.

There is no Chaos!

2011-05-27T19:31:00.002-05:00

It builds in me…
It grows in me…
And, like a fire it burns within me.
Its flickering flames reminding me of the man I am.
The same man I have always been,
the same man I will always be.
But, these flames that flicker brightly now,
don’t always burn with much consistency.
And so, my heart has known much darkness.
A suffocating darkness, that not only blinds me to that man I am,
but fills me with a loathing for that man I can hardly see.
And, I guess it is here that I usually quit writing;
in fact I have pages of poetry to prove it.
But the truth is;
it is not those moments of darkness that define me,
and, neither so do those moments of light.
And although I would love to be defined in such simplistic terms,
it is just not possible.
For my heart is to simplicity what oil is to water.
And I am never sure of anything except for the fact,
that I will face both the darkness and the light.
And it is the complexity of this ebb and flow that defines me.
Like the Earth herself, I am doomed to a fate that I can not control.
For even she herself is subject to both the light of day and the darkness of night.
And her sea’s too experience the tides both high and low.
And as I sit here and contemplate these things,
I think that I have errantly called the complexity, chaos.
But only because, I have lacked the perception to see the order as it is.

Pursuit of perfection

2011-04-25T12:48:00.001-05:00

To articulate the visions of my heart,
into words understood by the mind;
eludes me in this great race
against the hands of time.

And, when I do set out,
to share my heart with you;
my pen speaks in parables
and words that are seldom true.

For lost in ambiguity
and the chaos of my heart,
are the visions of perfection
and the lies I bid depart.

And though utterly puzzling
as they may seem,
these words convey
the meaning of my dreams.

So journey into chaos,
with me all of the way.
For on the road of chaos
every heart must stay.

2011-02-23T00:02:00.001-06:00

A not so radical song with an interesting message...

2011-02-22T17:35:00.000-06:00

Kind of a radical song; but it does have a interesting message...

2011-02-21T22:06:00.002-06:00

My Valentines Day gift to you...

2011-02-14T00:04:00.000-06:00

And last, but definitely not least...

...And you thought I was cheap.

I Fell

2011-02-12T01:01:00.003-06:00

Give me a pen and I will tell,
of the love into which I fell.

But to speak the words, in my heart I find
eludes the faculty of my mind...

Pen in hand I begin to write,
one word in and it is now night.

Yet how to express this love I can not find,
for there are no words that do define.

So look into my eyes and they will tell,
of the love into which I fell.

The one that started them all...

2011-02-10T00:16:00.002-06:00

Although I am sure that I wrote many poems before I wrote this one, this is the one that inspired me to become a poet. Keep in mind that I wrote this when I was 15, so it is kinda Corny...

I have often thought of you,
along the lines of love.
Wondered what it would feel like
to kiss your lips above.
To hold your hand with that feeling
none can live without.
My love for you is stronger
than most men will ever know about.
Every time I see you,
a smile crosses my face.
I wish I could take this feeling
and put it in a vase.
I would let the world know I love you,
I’d write it in the sky.
For you I’d move the mountains
and kiss this Earth good-bye.
I know that I can write more
to express my words of love.
But, this world don’t have enough paper
and the Sun won’t shine for that long up above.

Blue Eyes

2011-02-09T00:05:00.001-06:00

Blue eyes of truth look at me
and behold my acts of love.
Were I a man that doubted less,
I’d say your from above.
You came into my life,
blue eyes have set me free.
No longer doubt I the man I am
or the man that I can be.
Remember now what I have lost,
remember what I had.
Since your blue eyes have beheld me,
my heart is fresh and glad.
Blue eyes that make the sapphire dim,
that pales its shining light.
You’ve taken the darkest corners of my heart
and made them rather bright.
Blue eyes of truth look at me
and behold my acts of love.
I am a man that has no doubts,
you’re a gift from up above.

Love is...

2011-02-08T00:53:00.000-06:00

Love is an action not a word
Love is something that can’t be heard.
Love is rare so hard to find
Love does not leave behind.
Love reveals itself to those who seek
Love is kind and love is meek.
To love is to touch
To love is to care
To love is to always be there.
Love is precious more precious than gold
Love can not be bought or sold
It isn’t like poker you can not fold
Love is warm and never cold.

Hide Your Love Away

2011-02-07T00:04:00.000-06:00

A Thousand More

2011-02-06T00:08:00.003-06:00

Clear your mind and numb your heart.
Focus on this moment, a new love to start.
A love that is truer than any before;
a love that will rival those of lore.
Yes, see the truth in my eyes;
and feel the way that your heart flies.
In my arms I hold my past,
and in my heart a love to last.
A love that has echoed in all lives' before,
a love that will be in a thousand more.

風水

2011-01-31T23:57:00.007-06:00

Coyote in the Crosshairs

2011-01-29T13:47:00.003-06:00

There was a coyote in the field the other day; eating the carrion of a cow killed by winters chill. A field that boarders a wood that I intend to cultivate. A cultivation of which small livestock would be a part. And the last thing I want roaming those woods is a predator to which that livestock would be an easy prey.
So from the truck I grabbed my friends Winchester 300 mag, walked to the fence line and put the crosshairs on my quarry. By that time though he had left the carcass and was chasing what I assume was a mouse; so rather than shoot right away, I watched him as he hunted. For 15 minutes I watched; he chased and he sniffed and pounced in an almost comical way. And then he caught that mouse, the whole time oblivious to my existence 150 yards away. But, as I adjusted my pose, the gate moved, making a loud clanking noise. And with the crosshairs between his eyes, he looked up at me. Only for a moment though, returning once again to his business, for I was too far away to be any kind of real threat. And as wrong as he was, he was right. Because in that moment I realized there are something’s that should never be done from a distance and killing is one of them and loving is another.

The Snowball Effect

2011-01-20T01:19:00.005-06:00

When I was a kid, growing up in the Mojave Desert of Southern California, we had a rare winter snow. In fact, snow was so rare to me then I actually thought it was magical. It’s funny how 17 years of Montana winters will change that.
Anyways; one of those magical days, the cacti blanketed with six inches of wet snow, the temperature a balmy 60 degrees, which to a Californian meant; jacket, scarf, gloves, the whole nine yards. My family went over to the neighbors, who just happened to live on a hill. And me being the little hellion I was, thought it would be fun to roll a snowball down that hill.
Well, that hill must have been much bigger than I sized it up to be, because by the time that snowball reached the road at the bottom, it was the size of a Volkswagen.
It was the coolest thing ever!
That is until I realized that the road at the bottom of the hill was our only way home. And my dad probably would have noticed a car sized snowball in the middle of the road that wasn’t there before and definitely not have been too happy about it. So needless to say, I had to move it.
At first I tried to push it out of the road; and oh how the neighbors must have laughed and laughed. The sight of a 10 year old kid trying to push around a snowball five times his size. I gave up on that method pretty quick and resorted to smashing it up with a stick. And that was kind of fun for the first 20 minutes; but even smashing something with a stick turns into a chore eventually, and starts to get really old.
I never did get all of the snow out of the road that day; I just beat the snowball into a formless pile of snow laying at the end of a long line of bare earth, that started at the top of the hill and went all the way down. In my mind it looked like the perfect act of God, a holy avalanche in the desert…

Project Eden

2011-01-18T21:49:00.001-06:00

And, the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food… -Genesis

Imagine the world as one immensely huge community garden.
A garden that is shared and cared for by all.
A garden where all of humanity; works, plays and loves.
A garden where man’s industry benefits nature rather than destroys it.
A garden where hunger is word alien to our tongues, known only in the chronicle’s of history.
A garden where the architect of creation is the sole influence for all that we do.
A garden planted with every tree and plant that is pleasant to the senses and good for food.
A garden laced with rivers and creeks clean enough to drink, from the snowcapped mountains from whence they are born, to the place that they empty into the sea.
A garden where the only conflict is sport and the only peace is eternal.
A garden where the hillsides display the legacy of the hobbits and above the treetops can be seen the legacy of Shibam.
A garden where the hedge has replaced the fence and no gate is ever locked.
A garden that extends into the sea, the waste of former generations becoming reefs that rival Australia’s…
This is a garden I don’t only wish to imagine, this is the garden I wish to create.

The Only Song That Has Ever Really Changed My Life...

2011-01-13T22:46:00.003-06:00

The man with two hearts

2010-12-31T01:54:00.003-06:00

Often times hope to me is nothing more than a vague illusion, a dream, a mirage. A phantom I have created in my mind to sooth the pain of my heart. A pain that has been inflicted upon it by the realization of my reality. A reality that has been all I have ever known. A reality that is supposedly written in the stars. And though there are times I think I hate that reality, I know that what I really hate is the confusion, the chaos…
In astrology my star sign is represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions. And, whatever legitimacy the “science” of astrology may or may not have; there is no doubt in my mind, that when I look up into the nighttime sky and see those two fish swimming across the heavens in an eternal tug-of-war, that I am looking into a mirror that reflects my own heart and soul. A mirror that reminds me of why my hope seems so vain. Since the creation of the universe those stars have been; bound by divine decree to pull each other through the skies forever…
And I wonder; how far reaching is that decree?
I’m I really doomed to share the same fate as the stars under which I was born? Or will I eventually come know the end of this chaos?

What do you choose to do?

2010-12-29T01:50:00.003-06:00

A choice is all we have.
And, a choice is all that we get...
So, choose wisely.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T07:45:00.001-06:00

Language

2010-12-18T12:52:00.000-06:00

Christmas?

2010-12-15T17:46:00.004-06:00

Tis’ the season… for peace on Earth and good will towards man? No, no, no; tis’ the season, when we all buy a bunch of cheap crap for each other just to show that we care. Crap made in overseas sweatshops by people who will be lucky to put some rice on their tables for Christmas dinner. Cheap-ass plastic toys made by kids who will get none.
Call me crazy but I hate Christmas… Christmas? Where is Christ? Xmas does a much better job at defining the holiday we all celebrate, or better yet, howbout commerce-mas!
Christians, you know what? You’re all a bunch of lunatics! You get all pissed off because society is taking the name of Christ out of Christmas; but, you took the spirit of Christ out of Christmas a long time ago, right alongside with the rest of them.

X's and O's

2010-12-13T22:39:00.001-06:00

Just bobble your head and this will look like kinetic typography

2010-12-09T13:04:00.001-06:00

Write to write is what she said, and don’t think about or over analyze what is being written. Just let your pen move with the speed and fluidity of your thoughts. And, in the gibberish you will find that what your pen has left behind does not need to be thought about or over analyzed. And, I must say that I concur; too much thought about what you write may leave the vague impression of intelligence, but not of the soul, of the heart, of you. And if what you write is void of those things, than you may as well put your pen down and use your paper as tinder. Because words without soul are a pointless collage of black and white. Letters that spell out words, words that might make some sense; Hell, they might even be beautiful. But not as beautiful as they might have been, had you of written them without conscious thought. Or probably more detrimental to words of the soul, is worrying about how the critics are going to view them. Because, writing is not about appeasing the critics nor is it about writing for the reader; writing is about pouring out your soul onto a piece of paper, hoping that what is written is appreciated… Not to invalidate what you just read. But, I must confess that the ellipsis represents a long duration of time; time I spent editing what came before it and thinking about what will come after this one… Writing and living have many parallels’...

Lets put things into perspective...

2010-12-06T23:05:00.002-06:00

There is a saying- Might makes right. But, you know what? Only the mighty say that.

Some things will just always be funny...

2010-12-02T19:34:00.001-06:00

Kinetic Typography…

2010-12-01T00:45:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I’m totally in love with this art form. And, I think I’m going to devote December to nothing but kinetic typography; well, maybe kinetic typography with some commentary…
And, on the off chance that somebody from Adobe After Effects is a fan of this blog, I would really love a free copy of your software; so I can make kinetic typography of my own.

Homo Empathicus

2010-11-26T17:46:00.001-06:00

...Sometimes pictures help.

A certain kind

2010-11-23T18:27:00.001-06:00

Although I don’t always interpret a dream correctly; my dreams always come true…
Well… there is a certain kind of dream that I dream that always comes true. And I really don’t know how to describe to you “certain” but I can tell you this with certainty; some of those dreams I love, and others scare the shit out of me. And, if you are not a dreamer, than I can not really expect you to know what I mean. But, I hope you will believe me when I say this; some dreams are much more than just the thoughts of the subconscious mind, or a wish that your heart makes while you’re fast asleep. They are a connection between you and all that is, all that was and all that will be. They are the messengers of God, the heralds of truth and the end of doubts.

Some words to live by...

2010-11-22T00:48:00.003-06:00

I hate rap... most of the time...

2010-11-21T15:37:00.000-06:00

Lessons of the Pomegranate

2010-11-18T19:45:00.010-06:00

If there is a color that I associate with love, it is the deep crimson of the pomegranate. A color that not only brings to mind love’s raw passion; but, the deepest foundations of all that love is as well. Surely the Greeks did well when they called her the fruit of love. For beyond her metaphorical color, she teaches us many lessons in love; lessons to which we must heed…

Truly, pomegranates are not the easiest fruit to eat. In fact, if not done properly it is an almost pointless endeavor; and, a very messy one at that. But, if you can do it the way it needs to be done, than you will find few things in life more satisfying.
There are two things required to eat a pomegranate properly; first thing is, a gentle hand and the second, wisdom. For without these two things, all you will accomplish is covering yourself and everything around you with the sticky crimson essence of what that pomegranate was.
So before you begin, you must come to grips with the first aspect of wisdom; and that is patience. Because without that, a gentle hand is impossible.
Now the first thing you must do; is break through her tough skin, carefully avoiding the fragile fruit inside. And then, once that initial opening is made and her crimson fruit revealed, continue the process until quite a large portion of skin is removed. If you’ll notice, there are many little fruits, fruits that make even rubies look dull and what’s more is they are all interlaced, kinda like a jigsaw puzzle. And, this is were you must come to grips with the second aspect of wisdom, and that is seeing how all the pieces fit together, so that you can remove them without puncturing one of those precious gems. Keep in mind now that first aspect of wisdom, for I can not tell you how delicate those little fruits are.
Remove them one at a time and eat them; of course, eating them one at a time is just my own personal preference (more for me to savor) But any ways, after a little while the fruit will disappear and you will find yourself confronted with another skin. Not as tough as the first; but, embossed with, and embedded to, the fruits you have taken and the fruits that remain. And, more often than not, covered with a little bit of juice from one or more of the fruits you have crushed; like I said, they’re very delicate. With this skin however, you don’t break it, you peel it. Not quite as challenging as the outer skin, but a challenge none the less. And, there are several of these skins, so don’t be dismayed, its all just part of eating a pomegranate.
And, if done with this proper technique; you will have enjoyed thousands of bittersweet gems, gems that have no equal in all of Gods creation.

...I had a pomegranate for lunch today.

The nature of reality...

2010-11-17T18:18:00.003-06:00

Mad as hell...

2010-11-13T23:06:00.001-06:00

Midnight Sun

2010-11-12T23:01:00.001-06:00

Midnight sun so brightly shines;
opens the heart, opens the mind.
To the secret I do keep,
from myself…
And, while that midnight sun does shine;
I find rapture so sublime.
But alas, midnight sun must sadly set.
And, with the dawn I must forget,
that land illuminated by a midnight sun.
That land where in the real world
there is none.
And in the darkness of the day,
for that midnight sun I pray.
Please oh God my God let it be,
let it be my reality.

Incessant Inception

2010-11-08T13:12:00.002-06:00

In the mire of history we wallow.
Afraid to challenge our perceptions
of yesteryear’s inceptions.
And, new beginnings are denied;
because we believe tradition’s lies.
So in willful ignorance
our time goes flying by.
And a thousand new beginnings
that life should of seen.
End as nothing more than
a fleeting dream.

Election Day Bullshit…

2010-11-02T23:28:00.001-05:00

So this is the first year I haven't voted since I was old enough to vote. And, there was definitely a time when I would of got all riled up over such a “historic” mid-term election. But in my years of following politics, I have come to this one conclusion; its all a bunch of bullshit. And, I would love to blame the Democrats; I would love to blame the Republicans. But the fact is, I can only blame you America. Yes, you. Because obviously you’re too dumb to figure out this political system we have is horse-shit; oh sorry, bullshit. I mean really, come-on; do you not realize by now that every two and four years you are confronted with this profound sense of disappointment? Do you not see the lies and hypocrisy of your elected “statesmen”, no matter which side of the aisle they come from? Wake up you retarded idiots; and smell the bullshit.

Global military spending- 1.5 trillion$

2010-10-29T11:24:00.003-05:00

And, that's annually.

A Feeling...

2010-10-27T03:07:00.002-05:00

I will try to write; but what that will be, I know not…

Here… in this chair, in this moment; I am stuck by a feeling all too familiar.
A feeling that I hate, but it is a feeling that I can not escape. For it pulls at from every direction. And though I seek some glimmer of light through the darkness, I behold nothing but the night. And, how to label such a feeling eludes me…
No, it does not elude me. But rather it is a feeling I wish not to confess. A feeling… a feeling… a feeling that I hate.
It is a feeling that makes me callous, and I lie to myself; saying that calluses are a bad thing. But the fact is; calluses are badges of strength and wisdom. And, the man who has a heart free of callus, is a weak fool. Not aware of life’s harsh reality. Ignorant of humanities tendency to rob a mans soul of all that is good. And those weak fools, when once they do become aware; have their hearts quickly worn away to nothing, by that harsh reality of human existence.
Yes, the heart free of callus can experience those delicate moments of pleasure, those moments of an almost feminine quality. But moments so temporary, should never dictate the formation of a heart; no matter how pleasurable those moments may be… Like I said; I will try to write.

Dots...

2010-10-17T13:49:00.001-05:00

Last Day

2010-10-15T22:54:00.002-05:00

“right”

2010-10-01T22:41:00.004-05:00

I’m trapped in a fucking box… and everyday I try to escape, doing the same pointless bullshit; thinking that for some magical reason today will be different. But, it never is. And, like they say; the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, every time expecting a different result. But, insane is one thing I am most definitely not. What I am, is a creature of habit. Shit, I sucked on a pacifier until I was three.
Did I need it? No.
Did it give me nourishment? No.
It was just what I was used to. And when you get used to something, everything else just seems wrong. And to change your perception of right, is really the hardest thing one can do. In fact I think the only way it can be done is through pain. And, I don’t mean like a one time occurrence; I mean an incessant agony. A recurring pain that happens over and over again, every time you do the same stupid thing. But, even then the pain can be justified; if it means you are doing what is “right“. My parents could have dipped that pacifier in cayenne pepper a thousand times and I still would of suck on it, just because I thought it was right. And I imagine that eventually I would of acquire a taste for it. But the taste for pain doesn’t necessarily mean that your bad habits are right; just “right” for you. And by “right” I mean wrong.

A Picture

2010-09-29T17:46:00.004-05:00

Every once in a while I see myself in a picture, and wonder if it would be better if I wasn't in it.

Things I can not define…

2010-09-27T22:19:00.002-05:00

To watch a mother wither away… slowly making her descent down that six foot abyss. Knowing that there is nothing I can do about it. Sure I can hope and pray; but those things have deceived me before. Before when I watched a father make his way down the same sad slope. And I was so taken by that idea of hope then, that I did not even tell him I loved him before he died; a regret that will stay with me forever.

Marco…

2010-09-23T16:07:00.000-05:00

Fuck Deception...

2010-09-19T23:04:00.007-05:00

Life is complicated enough without people interjecting lies into it. So, to all of those who deceive; FUCK YOU!

Through my eyes

2010-09-17T13:19:00.005-05:00

See the future through my eyes
Look past the bullshit and the lies.
For in this world at present time,
We all fall by grandiose design.
Robber barons do impede
The progress of logic’s seed.
And though we see injustice sure,
We care not what others endure.
Too distracted by the slight of hand
To see the truth and understand.
And, so its been for many a year
That men have given in to fear.
But in the dawn of this new century,
We shall see the things that can be.
United in freedom this world is one
Greed and war we now shun.
And, logic’s seed now free grow
Points the way we are go.
Hunger in millenniums past
Took lots of life and took it fast.
But here in future world of mine
Plenty of food there is to find.
For at the mouths of rivers abroad
Great ships gather the elixir of God.
And, take sweet water to the ends of the Earth,
Those sun baked lands of eternal thirst.
And winding pipes like serpents go
From the sea both to-and-fro.
And shows that land something hardly seen
Great fields of grass thick and green.
And in the deepest basins far-flung
The oceans a new migration have begun.
Great seas now shimmer in setting sun.
Great seas exist where once there were none.
And, on the banks of these newest seas
Cities spring up a lot like trees.
Great fisheries lay over forgotten sand
Please open you eyes please understand.
And in this future I do see
Men have colonized the deep blue sea.
Anchored fast to ocean floor
Are cities of modern lore.
Great ships too on surface sail
Untouched by tempest mighty swell.
And from the Sun we get our light
Both in the day and in the night.
For up in the sky we have made
Places too where men can lay.
And from these artificial moons
We are given eternal noon.
Back on earth in many states
Men are faithful to their mates
For in this future world mine
Love is very rigid line.
Lies are heard not anymore
And there are no locks upon any door.
Friends are yellow, red, white and black
They shoot the shit and just kick back.
The sound of woman’s voice is heard
No man to suppress her wisest words.
The seeds of hope and logic sown
Let us create a world greater than we have ever known.
And when the sun sets on this century
We will see that more can be.

Unforgiven

2010-09-16T00:27:00.001-05:00

They quit…

2010-09-14T13:24:00.001-05:00

In the prison of their ignorance
Ne’er they find the time
To open their eyes and see the chains
In which they are confined.
For in the darkness of ignorance
They revel in false delight.
And see only the wonders of
The lies they do not fight.
The power of doubt they do not seek,
But, rather bend knee so timid and meek.
In homage to lies they did fully submit,
And the quest for truth they did quit.
They quit…
They quit…
Happy to believe the pointless bullshit.

Untitled I

2010-09-14T00:24:00.003-05:00

My heart… my heart is a secret.
A secret even to me.
And, this journey into chaos
is a journey I fear has no destination.
Only a whirlpool that takes me around and around
until I’m so sick I can’t help but vomit.
An eternal cyclone that I can not escape
no matter how hard I try.
And it is trapped in this nightmare
I seek a salvation that I can not define.
And if I can not define that salvation,
then I can not seek it
and if I can not seek it
then how will I ever be able to find it?
In my dreams I hope;
but then in my dreams I do all kinds of things,
things that are not possible in reality.
And in the real world I am beset on every side
by pompous men that condemn my hope as an idealistic fantasy.
As much as I wish I could call those men liars,
I don’t think I can.
And what is hope compared to truth?
To justify myself I ask; “What is truth?”
Which is really the question of all questions;
or is it?
Perhaps it is not a question at all
but rather a statement of doubt.
My heart… my heart is full of doubt.
Doubt for a hope that will endure ‘til I dream no more.

Redundancy…

2010-09-11T18:29:00.000-05:00

I find it hard to believe that this country has now been at war for nine years...
Think about it, there are some children in this country who have no idea what it's like to be at peace. Hell, there are children in other countries who have no idea what it is like not having war planes drop bombs on their cities.
Nine years later; and we have all become very numb to the fact that war is REAL.

The Faces of War

2010-09-04T16:37:00.003-05:00

click

2010-09-01T23:46:00.002-05:00

The little child looked up at her mother “Please mommy, don’t turn off the lights; I’m afraid of the dark.”
With reassuring eyes she looked down and put her hand on her child’s face “There is nothing to be afraid of sweetie, the dark can’t hurt you.”
“No, mommy; please, please, please don’t turn off the lights. There’s a monster under my bed, and it will get me.”
“There’s no monster hiding under your bed. Really sweetheart, there is nothing to be afraid of.”
*click* Out went the lights…
The darkness lit the child’s imagination on fire, every shadow a goblin, every little sound driving a stake of fear deep into her heart… And in the dark she began to cry…
*click* On went the lights.
“What’s the matter baby?”
“Oh daddy, the monsters are going to get me.” the child said with tear stained eyes.
An understanding smile touched her fathers lips “There’s no monsters in here, and do you know why?”
“No daddy, why?”
“Because, I came in here earlier and grabbed those monsters by the ear, and kicked their butts right out the front door. And now they're so afraid they won’t come back here ever again!” Her father made his speech with all the gestures of an expert charades player.
The child smiled with tear stained eyes “You did?”
“Yep, I did. So you have nothing to worry about. Just go to sleep and everything will be fine.”
*click* Out went the lights…
As hard as she could she tried to believe her father. But her imagination got the better of her again. This time though it was the tree outside casting its twisted shadows on the pink walls of her room. Demon like hands reaching for her, the branches rubbing against the glass, the blood curdling promise of monsters revenge… And in the dark she began to cry…
She cried and she waited, waited for that comforting *click* but it never came. And crying in the darkness she had to come to grips with her imagination. And night after night she contended with her fear and herself, slowly learning to imagine other things.
And now many years have passed, and the child now a woman loves the dark. She loves that world where there is no light to get in the way of her imagination. That world of ignorant bliss…

Things every mother should say...

2010-08-20T01:33:00.001-05:00